The Gift Of Grief
A message to Anderson Cooper's "All There Is" podcast
At the end of season 3 of the All There Is podcast (last episode aired on January 29th, 2025), Anderson Cooper invited listeners to leave voice messages to share their grief stories and what they had learned through the grieving process.
Below is the written version of what I left in the podcast’s voice mailbox.
Today would have been Mom’s 91st birthday, so this is for you too, Mom. Happy Birthday! I love you and miss you!
Andante (2nd Movement), Sonata for Two Pianos, K448 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Mom and I performed at my doctoral concert in 1991
Dear Anderson,
I lost my dad when I was 13. I don’t remember grieving for him. Maybe I didn’t know how to grieve. Maybe I didn’t know I was allowed to grieve. But I remember hearing Mom weeping in the middle of the night. I would lie still in bed pretending to be asleep, paralyzed by Mom’s sorrow, my own grief buried deep beyond recognition.
This past August, I lost my mom. At 59, I became an orphan—I hadn’t thought it was possible for an adult to feel like an orphan.
That thought of being an orphan brought on an overwhelming sense of grief. I know now what people mean when they say, “Grief comes over me like a wave.” Grief can come out of nowhere, at the most unpredictable times, and stop me in my tracks.
To my surprise, I don’t mind sitting with this grief. I don’t want it to go away.
Season 1 of the All There Is podcast started me on the journey of anticipatory grief; it spurred me to talk with Mom—not as early and often as I should, because in our Chinese culture, intimate matters are usually off limits between parents and children—about her love, regrets, and sorrow. I wrote an essay about her life and printed it in a specially designed booklet to give her as her 90th birthday gift. I only discovered how much it meant to her when a friend shared with me that Mom had sat with her and read the entire booklet page by page just a few weeks before her passing.
Mom passed away 6 months after her birthday, just a few weeks before Season 3 of All There Is aired.
In the next four months, listening to the guests on the podcast made me realize that it was alright to welcome and sit with my grief, for as long as it takes. It has taught me that grief isn’t something to overcome or something that diminishes with time, and being able to grieve is a beautiful thing—it’s a testament to having loved deeply.
I want to thank you and the podcast guests for encouraging me to write about my grief and my mom. It is the best gift grieving has given me. I feel Mom’s presence when I write, and I am comforted knowing there is a way for me to sit with my grief and remember Mom. I will continue to write every day.
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Thinking of you this season, Yi. Grace upon grace, be gentle with yourself.
Beautiful, Yi.