Reading, Writing, and Friendship
The Cyberspace is shaping how we live our lives
Digital technologies have changed many aspects of our lives, including how we read and write and communicate; they have helped create an ubiquitous virtual reality called Cyberspace, where we interact with each other and form and break friendships. All of this is altering how we spend our time and energy and shaping how we live our lives, often unnoticed by our consciousness.
Reading used to mean subscribing to a newspaper or magazine and having them delivered to the house, or buying a book from a physical store. Now, we buy eBooks and audiobooks and subscribe to digital newsletters from our favorite magazines and writers.
Writing used to mean scribbling on a notepad and typing on a computer with a word-processing application—internet connection not required (I am too young for typewriters 😉). Now, we can dictate our thoughts into a smartphone while walking or driving, and we have digital platforms like Substack or Medium which offer native editors (though, IMHO, still far inferior to the word processors), and store our creations (finished or in progress) in the Cloud. Shall I even mention generative AI?
Making friends used to mean meeting people at a physical location, engaging in conversations that involved multiple sensory processes, and doing things together. Now, we meet and make friends in virtual cyberspace, clicking Like, Follow, and exchanging emoji-filled Comments. We can break up with friends virtually too—click Defriend, Unfollow, and Block. Simple and effortless, no fuss, no drama.
In his 1623 play As You Like It, Shakespeare used the term “too much of a good thing”1, a sentiment that can be traced further back to Greek storyteller Aesop: “It is possible to have too much of a good thing.” The bad news, too much of a good thing is seldom good.
Good content is abundant on the Internet—sometimes it feels like too much—and the effort of picking content that speaks to you can feel like a Herculean task. Yet, our time is limited, and for most of us, our budget is too. Cruising the Internet, I often go from thrilled to overwhelmed, and from excited to frustrated within minutes; I often struggle to maintain a balance between surfing and reading; and I often debate how much engagement is healthy.
Substack writer
recently launched a survey Shaping the Future of Online Writing in her newsletter . It was designed to help writers on Substack understand how their readers consume digital content. The results2 were interesting, and not unexpected. If I could summarize the main theme—readers are thrilled with the abundance of good content and simultaneously overwhelmed by its toll on their time and budget. They affirmed most of what I have been experiencing, and touched on not only reading but also writing.***
As a novice writer, I learned that if I only wrote when I was inspired, I would not have been writing much at all, and there would not have been much learning and improvement either. The discipline of having a regular writing schedule is paramount—even if I just sit there and stare at the screen and only manage to put down a few sentences; even if reading these sentences makes me want to “delete all” and scratch the project; even if I just use the entire slotted time to ask AI chatbots about grammar and wordsmith. But the most important lesson I have learned is to separate the need for writing practice from the need for publishing.
From the very first writing class a little over two years ago, I learned that I have a voice and my stories are worth telling. What I learned later was that writing for myself and writing for my readers is different; just as writing for a like-minded, tightly-knit community and writing for an open commercial market is different. The differences can be subtle or even nuanced, but as a writer, knowing the differences is important.
My short writing tenure and small reader base are built almost entirely on Substack. Some readers I know by name. They click on Like and Comment and are not turned off by Substack’s repeated prompting for their emails and subscriptions. I can’t thank them enough; their encouragement is the driving force that keeps me publishing. Other readers enjoy what I write in the comfort of anonymity. I appreciate them just as much. I was a reader like that before I became an online writer, and I still am, for the most part. Knowing I can put my stories into words so they can exist long after I cease to exist, and can be read by an infinite number of readers, is the driving force that keeps me writing.
***
Since Social Media has become mainstream news and socialization platforms, the word Friend has taken on new meanings and even become a verb. We can befriend someone we have never met and like someone only based on what they choose to present. And just as easily, we can “defriend” someone without hesitation or drama, only a click.
I am cautious when accepting Friend requests online, and my friend circle, both online and offline, is small. Then, last week, I was abruptly defriended and blocked for the very first time, by a fellow writer “friend”.
This writer likes to tell stories, almost always in non-fiction personal narrative form, and shares on social networking platforms. In one such narrative, he wrote about his identity and experiences as a first-generation immigrant. He used my name and what he presumed were my experiences, as part of that story. When I stumbled upon the post, I reached out and offered what I believed was a friendly gesture: correct the facts or take out my name. What happened next stunned me: he declared his writer’s right to storytelling and how “facts” could be interpreted freely, even mentioning the First Amendment as if to assert his right to "freedom of speech." Before I could finish reading his message, he blocked and defriended me.
I found the event both astounding and profound: what initiated this “friendship”—similar cultural backgrounds and a shared appreciation for words and storytelling—was also the ground for its rupture. The incident enlightened me to the fact that what we can build and present in cyberspace, seemingly with authenticity, can be unreliable and fragile. This is how Cyber-networking has changed the way we form our friendships, share our stories, and, borrowing a portion of a marketing message from my previous employer, “the way we live, work, and play”.
The good news is that human beings are good at adaptation. I am good at adaptation, and I am making adjustments so I don’t throw out the technology advancement “baby” with the dark and treacherous Cyberspace “water”.
Sharing my current “coping” method list (and old habits die hard, I still find bullet list very effective) -
Write regularly, and re-write often. If the content is not fit for publishing, don’t publish, but keep writing.
On Substack, reserve time for supporting other writers but define a limit—decide when and how often to read and interact with others on Substack; prioritize time for my writing; set a limit for the number of newsletter subscriptions and rotate subscriptions as needed.
Review all of my digital subscriptions often, and consolidate subscriptions when possible—in my case, I start/stop Audible based on how much content I can consume and trade multiple journal subscriptions with Apple One. An important note to self: no need to fret over not being able to read everything every day; there will be one rainy day that all I feel like doing is swiping through my e-magazines.
Restore my relationship with public libraries. I don’t have to own every book I read. Books by authors I am not familiar with, I usually borrow them from public libraries in eBook form.
Rekindle my fondness for physical books. Books by authors I admire or have a personal connection with, I buy physical copies from a bookstore.
My audiobooks are mostly fiction books—a plot with ongoing drama is what stops my mind from wandering and there is no better time than indoor cardio workouts or air travel to be lost in great storytelling.
I have learned to promptly part with an article or a book when I lose interest in reading, no matter how popular the author is, or how much money I paid for it. Wasting time is worse than wasting money.
It is just as important to part with people who infest me with negativity and toxicity. I want to spend time with the ones who make me a better person.
If you have a jewel in your “digital age toolbox”, please share it with me, I’d be thrilled!
The original quote: “Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?”
I read quite a few online memoirs, courtesy first of Sari Botton, which is how I found yours. I'm struck by how freely people share private details of their lives. As a baby boomer who remembers life before cyberspace, I spend a lot of time trying to convince millennials (my three children and many of my colleagues) that every single thing put online lives forever, with unforeseeable consequences. The rules are changing, including those of "friendship." Your example of someone using your life story -- wrongly -- and then refusing to correct the facts and "unfriending" you is spot-on!
Thanks for sharing some of the pitfalls of online writing and for helping me to consider the stories that I want to keep sacred. I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s very unpleasant when publishing is already so vulnerable! I am a new subscriber but I appreciate your words and voice! ☺️