"To that shy and quiet girl, the piano was a friend she could talk to without using words, and music was a world she could escape to, a world of love and dreams." There are so many beautiful passages in this truly moving tribute to your mother, Yi. She was obviously a remarkable woman who showed her love for you in all those wonderful ways you describe. I'm sure she would have loved this wonderful tribute and I hope that writing it and sharing it helps you find your path through grief.
Beautiful story, one I related to in many ways, I am Native American, Indigenous, American Indian, any of these terms work if they bring about understanding of who I am. My mother was a dancer and I loved watching her dance. I loved the piano music in your story, it brought about a richness that touched my heart and brought back many memories. My mother was not one to say, "I love you" either but I knew she loved all five of us kids. We were not big on hugs or kisses. I think some of that was because of her boarding school days. That was big in this country and almost every Native American child was taken from their homes and brought up by Christian boarding schools where the children were punished for speaking their language, etc. I won't go into the details but suffice to say there was no love in those institutions. My mom went through many hardships but she never lost her sense of humor. She left this world over ten years ago. The grief gets a little easier to live with but missing your mom will never go away. You did your mom justice and thank you so much for having the courage to tell her story.
Thank you, Zibiquah, for your kind words and sharing your mother’s story. We are fortunate that we both had strong and loving mothers!
In my mind, being Native American, you are the true American. It saddens me to read the history of this land we all call home now, the history of its people, and the treatment they received.
Zibiquah, I appreciate reading about your upbringing and experiences. I am sad that things haven’t been handled in a more compassionate and respectful way. My Great Grandmother had Native American ancestors in her line. She grew up in an orphanage and I would imagine her childhood was very lonely. You have my respect and also I am sorry things haven’t been dealt with in a more caring and respectful way. I was born in Oregon and grew up on a farm. But my parents had a love for people from various cultures. I can’t imagine growing up in boarding schools where my language and heritage wasn’t respected. It’s too bad. My grandparents were both from Swiss families, and they spoke German at home enough that it was familiar to me. Best wishes to you and your family.
What a wonderful tribute! And a beautiful way to pass on to your son the legacy and love that existed between your mother and yourself. (We other readers benefit from your sharing too) Thank you so much for telling us your story!
I didn't cry until your son gave you the Mendelssohn CD, and then the floodgates were open. You did your mom justice, Yi, with your words, her story, and her AMAZING music. And what a gift to grow up around her playing.
I hadn't thought about my mom's regular ear cleaning ritual until you brought it up. But being so American, I did ask my mom why she never said I love you, or hugged, and now we say it. When I met my Thai side of the family as an adult, I went in for the hug, but my uncles won't do it.
Thank you, Lani! I have been crying on and off all day today reading my readers response💕and it feels good. I felt seen and understood, and my felt my lovely Mom was seen and loved and heard. xoxo
Virtual hugs to you, Yi Xue. Your love and longing for your mother moved me this morning. I found so much of this relatable - from the ear wax picking to not being able to express “I love you” in Chinese and yet knowing love is there all the same. Thank you for sharing. 🤍
Reading your words, while your mother’s music played in the background, was a wonderful way to begin a Thursday morning. I appreciate the artistry in both communication means. I am thankful for you and your willingness to openly share, as you process the loss of your mother. To me, your family’s love is clearly woven throughout both the measures, and the prose.
These beautiful and yes painful memories too, honor your mother’s full life and the love that was clearly expressed in actions and the silence between words. Thank you for sharing 🙏♥️
Oh, Yi Xue, this was absolutely beautiful. I had been wanting to read this carefully, and listen to the music. What a powerful and moving story. Your writing here is gorgeous, and I felt as though I were with you in Shanghai, with your mom in her early years. What a resilient, beautiful person your mother was...and her music is so comforting. I will return to this many times. I hadn't realized you grew up during the Cultural Revolution. I can't imagine how difficult those times would have been, and I'm filled with admiration for your mom as she managed to support you and your sibling. I have friends and former students who lived through that tumultuous era, and I know they had traumatic memories. I can't begin to tell you how much I loved this piece. Your mom and you did show one another love and the way you asked those questions was beautiful...wow. Thank you for sharing your early years, your family's story, and the music that accompanied your lives together.
I wonder if you saw the movie, Sight. I went to see it this year. The author grew up in the Cultural Revolution, too, and his stories were powerful. I will never forget listening to students and others in my community in Nanchang who had painful memories of that time. They opened up their hearts to me, and I knew that very likely they had never uttered those words before because it wasn't safe to do so. An elderly woman who lived on the north campus where I lived had lost her husband, a doctor, during that time, to the cruelty of the Red Guards. He had been forced to clean toilets and leave his medical practice as these young people sought to humiliate him. I mentioned this woman in an article I wrote, and your stories brought back a few of those memories. I always feel sad about all of the suffering, and the sense of betrayal people must have felt. But I admire your resilience and as I said your writing was so touching and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your mother with us, and some of your own experiences and emotions. This must have been healing to write, because it was healing to read.
Thank you so much, Susan, for your heartfelt words! 🙏 Writing this piece was indeed healing, and reading the comments from my readers has been just as healing. Thank you!❤️
After the end of the Cultural Revolution, Christians were allowed to worship again. I remember often hearing my grandfather sang the hymnal "Till We Meet Again", accompanying himself on the piano (my sister and I would chuckle at his "octave accompaniment"). Now, every night, I ask my mom to watch over me till we meet again. And I am at peace.
That’s very beautiful to hear. I love hearing your memories and am so thankful you found comfort and peace in these recollection. Adding her music and those stories made this exquisitely beautiful. Praying for you as you continue adjusting to life now, in this season. Stories are powerful.
A wonderful tribute to an even more wonderful woman. I, too, am so happy to know your mother has found her love in music and has always been able to surround her life with it. I don't say "I love you" either in Chinese, it actually sounds strange, and I use the English one with my husband and children. Maybe love is expressed differently to us Chinese, and yes, all you've mentioned is love, and more. And I love the recordings! :) I hope writing this is helping you through your grief, like mine did for me!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Rachel! Writing certainly has been the most impactful and meaningful way to help me sit with my grief, and I am grateful that it did the same for you! ❤️
You are right; maybe as Chinese, we express our love differently, because I sure have difficulty saying (or even hearing) these three words of "I love you." But we are nevertheless passionate people, and we love deeply. 😊
Beautiful tribute! Love expressed through actions speaks louder than words. She’s amazing woman, daughter, sister, mother and grandma. You have done a good job to taking care of your mom, I’m sure she was very proud of you.
A beautiful tribute to your mother, written with so much tenderness and nostalgia. My deepest sympathies for your great loss!
What you wrote about Chinese people not saying those three precious words resonate with me:
"Emotional communication was not deemed a necessary skill for most Chinese. They believed words were not the warren of love."
In your case, the exchange of love between you and your mom was obvious. May your mother's love for you and for music continue to live inside you and your son.
As another comment left by Kevin Kosche, reading this memoir with your mom's piano played in the background is such a beautiful and moving experience. Love can be expressed in so many ways besides saying it out and loud. Your mom's love is manifested throughout your life and we can see you love your mom dearly and deeply through this memoir. Your mom lied down and slept in peace knowing she is loved by God and her family. Wonderful writing, heartfelt love, thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Aiping! Her faith was what sustained her throughout her life, especially the last couple of years when doing things she loved got tough for her. I am so grateful that she had the never-failing and unconditional love from God to accompany her! ❤️
"To that shy and quiet girl, the piano was a friend she could talk to without using words, and music was a world she could escape to, a world of love and dreams." There are so many beautiful passages in this truly moving tribute to your mother, Yi. She was obviously a remarkable woman who showed her love for you in all those wonderful ways you describe. I'm sure she would have loved this wonderful tribute and I hope that writing it and sharing it helps you find your path through grief.
Thank you, Jeffrey, for your kind words! I am truly blessed to have Mom’s memory and love to remember, and writing to console me.
What a remarkable life so exquisitely captured in your tribute Yi! Lovely, lovely, lovely
Thank you, Ayn! ❤️
Beautiful story, one I related to in many ways, I am Native American, Indigenous, American Indian, any of these terms work if they bring about understanding of who I am. My mother was a dancer and I loved watching her dance. I loved the piano music in your story, it brought about a richness that touched my heart and brought back many memories. My mother was not one to say, "I love you" either but I knew she loved all five of us kids. We were not big on hugs or kisses. I think some of that was because of her boarding school days. That was big in this country and almost every Native American child was taken from their homes and brought up by Christian boarding schools where the children were punished for speaking their language, etc. I won't go into the details but suffice to say there was no love in those institutions. My mom went through many hardships but she never lost her sense of humor. She left this world over ten years ago. The grief gets a little easier to live with but missing your mom will never go away. You did your mom justice and thank you so much for having the courage to tell her story.
Thank you, Zibiquah, for your kind words and sharing your mother’s story. We are fortunate that we both had strong and loving mothers!
In my mind, being Native American, you are the true American. It saddens me to read the history of this land we all call home now, the history of its people, and the treatment they received.
Sending you love!
Zibiquah, I appreciate reading about your upbringing and experiences. I am sad that things haven’t been handled in a more compassionate and respectful way. My Great Grandmother had Native American ancestors in her line. She grew up in an orphanage and I would imagine her childhood was very lonely. You have my respect and also I am sorry things haven’t been dealt with in a more caring and respectful way. I was born in Oregon and grew up on a farm. But my parents had a love for people from various cultures. I can’t imagine growing up in boarding schools where my language and heritage wasn’t respected. It’s too bad. My grandparents were both from Swiss families, and they spoke German at home enough that it was familiar to me. Best wishes to you and your family.
What a wonderful tribute! And a beautiful way to pass on to your son the legacy and love that existed between your mother and yourself. (We other readers benefit from your sharing too) Thank you so much for telling us your story!
Thank you, Harshini!
I didn't cry until your son gave you the Mendelssohn CD, and then the floodgates were open. You did your mom justice, Yi, with your words, her story, and her AMAZING music. And what a gift to grow up around her playing.
I hadn't thought about my mom's regular ear cleaning ritual until you brought it up. But being so American, I did ask my mom why she never said I love you, or hugged, and now we say it. When I met my Thai side of the family as an adult, I went in for the hug, but my uncles won't do it.
This is beautiful, Yi, xo
Thank you, Lani! I have been crying on and off all day today reading my readers response💕and it feels good. I felt seen and understood, and my felt my lovely Mom was seen and loved and heard. xoxo
Oh, by the way, you and my husband were born in the same year! Sending you big hugs.
Virtual hugs to you, Yi Xue. Your love and longing for your mother moved me this morning. I found so much of this relatable - from the ear wax picking to not being able to express “I love you” in Chinese and yet knowing love is there all the same. Thank you for sharing. 🤍
Thank you, Heidi! I believe that her faith also played a huge part in sustaining her life and giving her contentment ❤️!
So beautiful! I loved hearing that faith is what brought your parents together in marriage too. I’m so encouraged by your mother’s life! ☺️
Reading your words, while your mother’s music played in the background, was a wonderful way to begin a Thursday morning. I appreciate the artistry in both communication means. I am thankful for you and your willingness to openly share, as you process the loss of your mother. To me, your family’s love is clearly woven throughout both the measures, and the prose.
🙏🙏🙏
These beautiful and yes painful memories too, honor your mother’s full life and the love that was clearly expressed in actions and the silence between words. Thank you for sharing 🙏♥️
Oh, Yi Xue, this was absolutely beautiful. I had been wanting to read this carefully, and listen to the music. What a powerful and moving story. Your writing here is gorgeous, and I felt as though I were with you in Shanghai, with your mom in her early years. What a resilient, beautiful person your mother was...and her music is so comforting. I will return to this many times. I hadn't realized you grew up during the Cultural Revolution. I can't imagine how difficult those times would have been, and I'm filled with admiration for your mom as she managed to support you and your sibling. I have friends and former students who lived through that tumultuous era, and I know they had traumatic memories. I can't begin to tell you how much I loved this piece. Your mom and you did show one another love and the way you asked those questions was beautiful...wow. Thank you for sharing your early years, your family's story, and the music that accompanied your lives together.
I wonder if you saw the movie, Sight. I went to see it this year. The author grew up in the Cultural Revolution, too, and his stories were powerful. I will never forget listening to students and others in my community in Nanchang who had painful memories of that time. They opened up their hearts to me, and I knew that very likely they had never uttered those words before because it wasn't safe to do so. An elderly woman who lived on the north campus where I lived had lost her husband, a doctor, during that time, to the cruelty of the Red Guards. He had been forced to clean toilets and leave his medical practice as these young people sought to humiliate him. I mentioned this woman in an article I wrote, and your stories brought back a few of those memories. I always feel sad about all of the suffering, and the sense of betrayal people must have felt. But I admire your resilience and as I said your writing was so touching and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your mother with us, and some of your own experiences and emotions. This must have been healing to write, because it was healing to read.
Thank you so much, Susan, for your heartfelt words! 🙏 Writing this piece was indeed healing, and reading the comments from my readers has been just as healing. Thank you!❤️
After the end of the Cultural Revolution, Christians were allowed to worship again. I remember often hearing my grandfather sang the hymnal "Till We Meet Again", accompanying himself on the piano (my sister and I would chuckle at his "octave accompaniment"). Now, every night, I ask my mom to watch over me till we meet again. And I am at peace.
That’s very beautiful to hear. I love hearing your memories and am so thankful you found comfort and peace in these recollection. Adding her music and those stories made this exquisitely beautiful. Praying for you as you continue adjusting to life now, in this season. Stories are powerful.
A wonderful tribute to an even more wonderful woman. I, too, am so happy to know your mother has found her love in music and has always been able to surround her life with it. I don't say "I love you" either in Chinese, it actually sounds strange, and I use the English one with my husband and children. Maybe love is expressed differently to us Chinese, and yes, all you've mentioned is love, and more. And I love the recordings! :) I hope writing this is helping you through your grief, like mine did for me!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Rachel! Writing certainly has been the most impactful and meaningful way to help me sit with my grief, and I am grateful that it did the same for you! ❤️
You are right; maybe as Chinese, we express our love differently, because I sure have difficulty saying (or even hearing) these three words of "I love you." But we are nevertheless passionate people, and we love deeply. 😊
Fabulous tribute! Meaningful, valuable reflections! Thank you.
🙏
Beautiful tribute! Love expressed through actions speaks louder than words. She’s amazing woman, daughter, sister, mother and grandma. You have done a good job to taking care of your mom, I’m sure she was very proud of you.
Thanks, Janice, for your kind words!
Wbat a beautiful story about your mother. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Alice! Celebrate your mom's 84 birthday with her - the number is not important but the time we spend together is precious!
thank you!! I was thinking about your mom, and my mom, this morning. Thank you again for sharing about her!
A beautiful tribute to your mother, written with so much tenderness and nostalgia. My deepest sympathies for your great loss!
What you wrote about Chinese people not saying those three precious words resonate with me:
"Emotional communication was not deemed a necessary skill for most Chinese. They believed words were not the warren of love."
In your case, the exchange of love between you and your mom was obvious. May your mother's love for you and for music continue to live inside you and your son.
Thank you, Louisa for your kind words!
As another comment left by Kevin Kosche, reading this memoir with your mom's piano played in the background is such a beautiful and moving experience. Love can be expressed in so many ways besides saying it out and loud. Your mom's love is manifested throughout your life and we can see you love your mom dearly and deeply through this memoir. Your mom lied down and slept in peace knowing she is loved by God and her family. Wonderful writing, heartfelt love, thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Aiping! Her faith was what sustained her throughout her life, especially the last couple of years when doing things she loved got tough for her. I am so grateful that she had the never-failing and unconditional love from God to accompany her! ❤️
The most beautiful tribute! Thank you for writing and sharing your mother's story!
Thank you, Bette!🙏